Wednesday, May 25, 2016

Power of a name

I don't exactly know how I chose my female name, Rebecca, but it means everything to me.  I was on the phone with the Howard Brown Health Clinic, a leading provider of LGBT healthcare here in Chicago.  They asked me if I had a preferred name.  My whole life, I've gone by a male nickname, so my unconscious reaction to that question was to give my male nickname.  Then it hit me that they  wanted to know if I had a preferred female name.  In moment, Rebecca came to me, and that has stuck ever since.

Hearing my name when I am in female mode always cheers me up.  I feel like the woman in me is a real person, with some value.  Being called Rebecca makes me happy enough that I took the middle name "Joy." When you feel like you've been called the wrong thing your whole life, hearing the correct name is a luxury that you don't take for granted.

I had a difficult purge last week, immediately before leaving on a business trip.  I've been in New York since Sunday.  I spent three the past three days in guy mode, before my depression started to take over.

Tonight, I got dressed up as Rebecca, and went out.  I couldn't find anything in particular to do, until I found myself at the makeup counter of a department store.  I ended up talking briefly with the girl at the counter.  During the course of the conversation, we exchanged names.  As I left, she said, "You have a nice night, Rebecca!"  That's all it took.

No comments:

Post a Comment